you stop caring so much about what others think of you? Don’t start!
care so much about what others think of you that you repress or sideline what
you would really like to be or do? It seems strange when put baldly like that,
but that is what most of us do. We stop ourselves from doing or being something
because we let our minds run wild with the judgements and criticism we will
receive if we do or be that thing. From learning a musical instrument to
moving to another country to skipping down the street in your business suit –
how many choices have you squelched because you cared so much about what other
dear reader, most people aren’t paying that much attention. Secondly, what we
imagine may be so far from the truth that we’re stopping ourselves for nothing.
I am an Access Consciousness
facilitator and let me just say – for a number of years, I assumed everyone
would judge me and my decision for being too weird, so I kept my work on the
down low. As soon as I decided ‘to go for it,’ the people I assumed would have
the biggest problems and judgements about my line of work were actually the ones
most interested in this wacky work.
Think of something you’ve
always wanted to do but you let the fear of others’ judgements and criticism derail
you. Now, my recommendation is to ask, what is the worst that could happen?
Would you die? Would you maybe lose a friend or two (the ones that criticize
everything you do anyway)? Now, close your eyes and imagine choosing that
‘something you’ve always wanted to do’ and think of the fun you could have if
you let go of those worries? Indulge yourself in that imagining for a few hours
or days. If it is really inspiring and inviting to you, who cares what others
think? Are you living your life, or do you just have a life?
Do you realize that other
people’s judgments can become your own? I have a friend who was told by a
ballet teacher when she was only 6 years old that she was clumsy, had no gracefulness
or talent. In turn, my friend told others for the next 40 years how clumsy she
is. She didn’t allow herself to take dance lessons for 40 years! That is 40
years of joy and fun denied because of one person’s judgement. She is never
going to be on the stage at Covent Garden, but she loves dancing now! What
pleasure are you denying yourself because you believe the criticism of others? Truly,
What a shame that people hide things about
themselves because they are worried about reactions and judgements. One example
of this is sexuality. I chose to ‘come out’ on CBC (Canadian radio and TV
station) at the age of 15. At the time I
was volunteering at an AIDS hospice in Regina, Canada, where I grew up. CBC had a show called Utopia Cafe and came to
interview people about the emotional risks of coming out as gay, and I
volunteered, shaking slightly in my boots. And the freedom that I felt, and
that was created from being willing to say, ‘who cares?’ and go for it, has
colored my life to this day. I learned that day to be true to me and not worry
about what people thought of me.
I have learned over the
years to be true to myself and not worry about what other people think of me.
Because the truth of it is, it winds up hurting me in the long run, not them. I
am the one missing out by carrying the weight of someone else’s words around
with me – I can tell you the person who passed the judgement on me isn’t being
So, how do you stop caring so much about what others think of you? As Bob Newhart said in his psychiatrist character, “just stop it!” We do get to choose whether we are influenced by unspoken and often imagined judgements, or whether we grab our courage and choose what fulfills and expands us and makes us happy. We are told that every person is unique – why not celebrate and exploit that rather than trying to fit in and not receive any judgement? Then no one can control you except you. So – would you be willing to say, ‘who cares’ sometime soon?
Christopher Hughes is a communications mentor, arts and antiques curator. He has an undergraduate degree in Opera and Song from the University of Western Ontario and a master’s degree in Integrated Marketing and Communications from QUT. Chris spent time in the world of professional opera and later used his voice in various industries, from singing telegrams to voiceovers for videos, cartoons and elevators. He is currently the Managing Director and curator at the Antique Guild in Brisbane and Vice President of Australian Antique an Art Dealers Association. Chris facilitates classes for Right Voice for You and The Elegance of Living; both special programs by Access Consciousness. Learn more here. He desires is to help people to “live beautifully” and encourages everyone to always take the best things off the shelf and use them, including the best parts of themselves. Follow his work here.
Erin shows overscheduled, overwhelmed women how to do less so that they can achieve more. Traditional productivity books–written by men–barely touch the tangle of cultural pressures that women feel when facing down a to-do list. How to Get Sh*t Done will teach you how to zero in on the three areas of your life where you want to excel, and then it will show you how to off-load, outsource, or just stop giving a damn about the rest.