COVID-19 has changed things in the world in many ways. What lasting impact this will have remains to be seen. What we do know is that impact is inevitable. When change occurs on the earth at this level, we have to be willing to change with it. This includes changing how we are with relationships as well.
Are you in isolation with your partner right now? Or has this time of quarantine created a separation between you and your partner? Either way, if you are trying to ride this wave of the Coronavirus, waiting for a return to normal so things will go back to normal with your relationship, that might not work.
What if you can use this as an opportunity to look at what you can create now that you never considered before because you were too distracted by what you thought your relationship was supposed to be? Ask, “What would it be like if we created this relationship to be different? If we weren’t trying to create it as it has been or as we thought it should be, what would we choose now?”
Have you ever noticed that most relationships, after around 5 years, go to a place of maintaining rather than growing? And if a relationship is not growing it will die. Something you can start right now is to stop looking to maintain what was and start looking at what you would like to create for your future.
If you can create a relationship now, in times like these, you are going to have a relationship that is unstoppable and here are my top 3 tips on that.
1. Tell Yourself the Truth
When was the last time you sat down and looked at what you desire as your life? Many couples fall into the rut of doing what they think their partner wants them to do, spending time with the people their partners are ok with, doing things that their partner likes to do so they can do them together. If you stay in this rut for too long you won’t even know what is true for you.
What if the idea that we have to give up ourselves and sacrifice to show someone we love them is a lie that will destroy your relationships? If you don’t have you in the relationship, how can it work? To get out of this rut start asking yourself, “What is true for me? What do I desire as my life?” Be brutally honest with yourself. Whatever you discover as you ask these questions, move forward with those things. What’s one action you can take each day that takes you closer to what you desire?
2. Lose Expectations
What expectations do you have of your partner? What qualities do you expect them to have? Kindness? Playfulness? Sense of adventure? Non-judgmental? A common thing that occurs in relationships is that we look for our partner to do and be the things we desire rather than choosing to do and be them for ourselves, and then we blame them for what isn’t working.
I am going to let you in on a little secret, YOU create your life. How? By what you choose. If you don’t like how things are in your life and in your relationship, what if you are the one who can change it? It starts by committing to your life. If you are not committed to your life and someone doesn’t fulfill something you’ve decided they should fulfill, then it’s easy to blame them and that’s when fights and arguments start.
The next time someone isn’t fulfilling your expectations, rather than going to blame, stop and ask, “How did I create this?” It is not about making yourself wrong but if you get that you are the one that created it, then you also get that you are the one that can change it.
3. Choose Gratitude
Did you know that the greatest relationship killer is judgment? Yet judgment is what many relationships are built on. We judge our partners. We judge the relationship. We judge ourselves. Gratitude is the anecdote to judgment., Judgment and gratitude cannot exist at the same time. Choose gratitude. What are you grateful for about you? What are you grateful for about your partner? What does work in your relationship. Choose gratitude. Keep choosing gratitude. Then watch things grow.
Whatever your current relationship situation, what if now is not the time to sit back and wait for things to go back to normal in the world? What if now is the time for change? Start asking what you would like to have as your life. Start looking at what you desire to create with and as your relationship. What if you are one choice away from a greater possibility? What if you are one choice from change?
Brendon Watt is a speaker, entrepreneur and life mentor. He is the author of the best-selling book, Relationship: Are You Sure You Want One? and founder of the Relationship Done Different workshop series. Brendon is a lead facilitator with Access Consciousness®, facilitating classes and workshops all over the world, encouraging others to step out of judgement and into a more authentic, fulfilling life. Each week you can find him on his podcast, One Choice from Change: https://www.onechoicefromchange.com/. Follow Brendon.
Erin shows overscheduled, overwhelmed women how to do less so that they can achieve more. Traditional productivity books—written by men—barely touch the tangle of cultural pressures that women feel when facing down a to-do list. How to Get Sh*t Done will teach you how to zero in on the three areas of your life where you want to excel, and then it will show you how to off-load, outsource, or just stop giving a damn about the rest.